This is the latest entry in a series that examines business buzzwords, helps readers understand them and offers alternatives.
There's probably no real way to tell which buzzwords will become part of the language (as clichés, eventually) and which ones will have brief lives (thankfully!)? We just have to wait and see.
But if you're going by personal taste and just want to ridicule various buzzwords, I say, "Game on!" I'd be happy to make fun of your choices.
I got this idea while doing my diligent research. A search for "ridiculous buzzwords" turned up an article written I don't know when that listed and defined 20 business buzzwords the author felt were silly. OK, Vicki Santillano, let's see what you've got.
I recognized several right away that I feel need no introduction: low-hanging fruit, skin in the game, drill down, back-of-the-envelope (calculation/estimate/figure). They're probably immortal because they're so obvious and graphic, so it's a waste of energy to try to mock them.
I mean, fruit trees, skin and drilling will be around another few millennia, don't you think? And who hasn't flipped a piece of mail over to do a quick calculation? (Yes, millennials, I mean snail mail that comes in an envelope with printing and postage on only one side so the back is blank. It's not gone completely, at least not from my desk.) So no points for Santillano, four for me.
Then, there were some on her list I have never heard of, have no use for, and I'm really sorry I am even repeating because they sound so stupid they should not be given extra life in my article. They are:
- bio break (bathroom visit)
- desk dive (awkward bend to retrieve something under one's desk)
- eat the frog (finish a distasteful job you've been putting off)
- eat your own dog food (test or try your products)
- feature creep (adding too many features during development)
- stakeholdering (gatheringsupport or endorsements)
- hard stop (the no-fooling end point of a meeting)
- pencil-whip (submit paperwork with intentionally incorrect information).
Really? Minus-8 for VS, and I still have 4.
Oh, here's one that is actually meant to be a joke, it seems to me, a spoof on cutting-edge and leading-edge: bleeding-edge. And another that fits in the humor category, drink from the fire hose (try to take in too much information). I agree with VS, these are both ridiculous. She's up to minus six.
American football contributed two, although the VS seems to have muffed the second one: Monday morning quarterback (do I really have to explain this? OK. Games used to only be on weekends, so come Monday, you'd tell how you would have run the plays); out of pocket, I think she got this one wrong and meant to say "out of the pocket," which quarterbacks don't want to be since they're unprotected out there.
Anyway, in business slang this means you'll be out of the office and/or unavailable for emails or phone calls. Of course everyone knows about out-of-pocket expenses, right? So I give myself two points, and it's minus-6 to plus-6.
Moving along — science contributed one, sort of: going granular (having to do with greater detail). "Granularity" is the operant term, and "go granular" is ridiculous. VS gets a point.
Aha, here's one of those greasy, oily, weasel words from upper management: rightsizing (an attempt to justify laying people off or firing them). A companion term not on this list is "downsizing." I don't see either of them very often. Another point for VS.
And here's a perfectly good business term I'm not sure why was included: disintermediate (remove the middleman). VS is back to minus-5.
I saved the cutest one for last: prairie dogging. If the name alone didn't make you smile or laugh a little, you've probably never worked in a large company with an indoor cubicle "farm" of rows and rows of cubicle dividers. Some event, noise or tray of cookies gets heads popping up above the dividers to check things out.
So it's not ridiculous and that means my honorable opponent ends up six points in the hole, while I maintain six to the good. Good game, better luck (and words) next time.
OK all you cubists can sit back down until next month when I'll be trying to get a rise out of you again over the business buzzwords that both divide and unite us, depending on your source.
