When you encounter a challenge, do you find yourself angry and out of sorts? If so, you are "shadow boxing" with a condition over which you have little-to-no control.
When shadow boxing, you are expending energy against an object that is not real or immediately present. Rather, your blows are blasting air modules that offer no resistance. You aren't hurting anything, except perhaps yourself.
Initially, "nontoxic resistance" is harmless. But continuing to battle this nontoxic state over time with no management or resolve will wear you down.
The challenge, which is in the past, is taking control of your life and mental well-being. The nontoxic resistance eventually becomes toxic, and you end up losing the shadow boxing round.
The following example might help you relate to this concept. A person is told to do something new — a change from previous ways of performing. Immediate reactions tend to be defensive and argumentative, a result of uncomfortable and/or emotional feelings.
Defensive behavior arises as reactions that are often irrational. When change is proposed without a firm knowledge base, defensive reactions should be expected.
People will react this way to protect themselves from the unknown. For many it is their way to deal with a fear of failure. Nobody enjoys failing, so this fear is one of the biggest hurdles when unexpected change is imposed.
Change tends to take us out of our comfort zones. When presented with unfamiliar circumstances, our sense of control is weakened. The unknowns provoke uncomfortable feelings and we defend current positions.
Emotions consume our thoughts and we strike back with irrational verbal reactions. With these reactions, we are implying that a lack of information or understanding is pressing or blocking logical thought processes. Misunderstanding occurs and conflict results. A shadow boxing bout has started with assumptions and speculations flying in all directions.
Alan Watts states: "The only way to make sense out of change is to plunge into it, move with it, and join the dance." This is a positive way to approach changes that create emotional reactions.
Before we "join the dance," learning the three steps suggested by Watts can be beneficial.
First, "to plunge into it" requires an effort to obtain accurate information about the change. This means getting the facts, sorting out myths, checking beliefs and pulling this all together in an organized informational base.
Such an activity can take a few minutes, or extend into many hours. The newness and complexity of the change will determine the time needed to create a fact-based awareness. Personal management is enhanced when one takes time to complete this step. The goal is to prevent falling into the trap of defensiveness, and provide an avenue to approach the proposed change.
The second step, "move with it," is an assessment process. It requires developing an understanding of the change, and to outline a plan of action.
Creating understanding starts with taking the information you have collected and formulating a product you can build on. With understanding, you also develop confidence as to whether the product or direction is worth pursuing.
The assessment allows you to structure a plan of action. With such a plan, you have a road map allowing you to accept the change, and travel in a positive direction. It can also provide an informed way to reject the proposed change, while offering suggestions for managing acceptable change implementation.
The plan of action accommodates your knowledge and acceptance of change with minimal conflict. This gives you an active role with the proposed change.
The last step is to "join the dance." Information obtained and analyzed during the first step provides understanding that generates the second step. Completing the second step prepares you to "join the dance." The "dance" encourages action, a forward movement.
It tells you that you have taken time to develop a logical, rational decision, one that makes sense and fits your needs and goal. At this point, it is up to you to put the plan into action, and evaluate the progress being made. If evaluation of the plan shows weakness, ask if more information is needed, or if you need a better plan. This technique adds to the problem-solving process.
Once problem-solving is operational, your need for shadow boxing diminishes. As you begin to reach your goals, your confidence improves. As confidence grows, your productivity increases.
Shadow boxing was probably useful in your developing years. Now that you have tools for improving your abilities, it is time to start using them. Improve yourself by making use of what you can do without expending energy on things that are undefined. The more you seek information and understanding, the more prepared you will be to advance productively.
