We have all had to deal with biting and aggression in the toddler classroom. And I'm sure you've had the endless parade of questions from parents regarding this behavior:
- How did this happen?
- Were they being properly supervised?
- How was the other child disciplined?
- Will my child be bitten again?
Many teachers and parents alike have come to me discouraged with their toddler's aggression. Most don't understand why this is happening. Others would love to blame it on the school, except they're biting at home, too!
What everyone needs to understand is a toddler's biting and aggression is completely developmentally appropriate and, in most cases, solves itself in due time with the help of their home and school families.
There are a number of reasons why a toddler may be biting. The most common reasons in a preschool setting are simply frustration and self-assertion. The child sees the toy, but Billy has the toy. He doesn't have the language skills to ask Billy for the toy, so he bites Billy and takes the toy.
In the toddler's eyes, it's the simplest way to get something he wants. Although this may seem cruel to an adult, that is not the child's intention. At this age, the toddler is entering into an egocentric time in his developmental growth. The child is only worried about things that affect him directly and does not realize how his actions may affect others.
Other reasons for the aggression include cause and effect, and mimicry. The child may have figured out, "When I hit Julie, she lets out this funny yell and starts to stomp her feet." The child has learned that he can affect his own world.
Along the same lines, we've all heard of "monkey see, monkey do." As parents and caregivers, we are always careful to model good behavior, but that's not the case for toddlers. If the child sees another child bite, she may want to see if she can have the same effect.
Lastly, the child may be biting because of simple explanations, such as teething and sensory exploration. Everyone knows that if a toddler sees something new, it's headed straight for the mouth. And have you ever experienced your wisdom teeth coming in? How painful! Imagine a 2-year-old feeling that pain. Chewing on something, even a friend, relieves the pain.
What can you do?
Although biting and aggression are age-appropriate behaviors that can occur in the toddler classroom, there are things we can do to curb the likelihood of these events. We start by building strong connections. If the child is connected to his caretaker and peers, he is more likely to naturally develop a sense of empathy early in toddlerhood.
We can point out the look on the other child's face: "Look at Billy's face! He is saying, 'Ouch that hurt! Touch me gently!'" Connection is key for the child to have an intrinsic desire to change his aggressive behaviors.
Remember how I mentioned earlier the cause-and-effect reason for biting? If a child is connected to her peers, seeing her friend hurt and hearing his cries will actually bring her displeasure and become a natural consequence for her actions.
At my school, we work hard at building a school family through playful connections and eye contact, being of service to each other, and bringing attention to all acts of kindness in the classroom, making kindness the focus and goal.
It is also important for the caregiver to discover which reason the child is biting by shadowing the biting child and figuring out the "whens" and "whys." Sometimes, there are heavy bouts of aggression during certain times of the day, such as transition times or just before lunch. This would be a great time to engage the child in an activity, such as a song or finger-play, while transitioning.
Children at this age need a visual when learning new routines and vocabulary. Setting the classroom up for success requires visuals for all routines and transitions. Show him a picture of properly asking a friend for a turn, using the sign. Show him a picture of "gentle touches." Use these pictures to add to the empathy steps above. "Looks at Billy's face! He is saying, 'Ouch that hurt! Touch me gently!' Like this." (Show the picture.)
For most children, the biting occurs out of frustration and self-assertion, and therefore they must be taught appropriate ways to express themselves. Teaching the child words such as "mine" may seem selfish to an adult, but are useful tools for toddlers to express themselves. I teach all toddlers the word and sign for "turn." When children ask for a turn, we immediately give them one to teach them that their words have power.
The most important step to curbing these behaviors is to practice when the child is happy, content and playing nicely. This is the time to practice using his words or signs for a turn, and how to handle upset when someone takes a toy. Practice those gentle touches. Praise the children and notice when they are playing nicely: "You did it! You gave Billy a turn with the truck! That was so kind!"
Always remember that children are modeling your behavior. Parents should never bite their child to show them how it feels. The child is in his or her egocentric world and cannot transfer his emotions to someone else. In other words she doesn't understand "if it hurt me, it will hurt Jenny."
Never punish the child later for biting or aggression incident that happened earlier in the day. It is important at this age to deal with the incident when it happens so they fully understand the consequences of their actions. Although we want to make it clear that biting is never acceptable, we need to do it right after the incident so that the child knows exactly what act he is being disciplined for.
Above all, remain patient! Be confident in the fact that the child's biting and aggression is developmentally appropriate and, if handled correctly, will soon pass.
