We've all had them — those difficult customers who are unreasonably angry and refuse to be placated. What are they angry about? And how do you handle them?

Here are some of the unreasonable types I've encountered:

Customers who demand, not request. It could be a particular airplane seat, a particular bedding type or a particular car — if they didn't get Seat 13C that you "promised" them, they expect a refund on their airfare. If they didn't get the twin beds they "requested," they demand a refund from their hotel.

If they missed the part about "Ford Taurus or similar" in the itinerary, and got the "or similar," then you know what they're going to demand. And the implication is that if they don't get a refund from the airline or the hotel, then you're going to be the one refunding their money.

Customers who would just as soon yell at you as talk in a normal voice. Yelling and bullying puts you on the defensive, and their reasoning is that you're more likely to accede to their demands if they can intimidate you.

A threat is always implicit with these folks — either threatening you for money or some other compensation, or threat of a lawsuit, or threat of posting negative reviews on social media. The goal is to scare you into giving them what they want without regard to the validity of their complaint.

Customers who hold you responsible for something out of your control. Simply because you're there and accessible, you become the scapegoat. These are the customers who are mad at you because the airline forgot their special meal and you're the so-called professional who booked them on that lousy airline.

Or they're mad at you because it rained the entire time during their tropical vacation and they couldn't enjoy themselves, and you should have stressed that it sometimes rains in the tropics. Or the ones who drank too much at an all-inclusive resort, fell and broke a leg, and then are mad at you because they couldn't enjoy any of the activities at the resort with a casted leg.

Customers who are mad at you when they get an unpleasant surprise on their vacation. Despite your oral and written explanations beforehand, they admit they weren't really listening to you, and they didn't have time to read your lengthy emails.

Nevertheless, you should have made it more clear to them. So it's your fault they weren't paying attention because somebody has got to pay, and they're not going to accept responsibility for their inattention.

I'm sure you can construct your own examples of unreasonable customers, but the question is how to handle them so you're not bursting blood vessels in an escalating confrontation.

If you've ever had a customer yelling at you, red-faced, from a foot away, or yelling into the phone without taking a breath, you know how your own blood starts to boil, and your face begins to get hot. Instinctively, you want to interrupt, talk over them and defend yourself from unreasonable charges. Perhaps you think you'll make the situation more reasonable if you admonish this angry person to "calm down," or point out where his/her logic fails.

Doesn't work. They're in visceral mode, so nothing rational is going to get through to them at this moment.

Resist the temptation to say anything. And I mean anything. When a person is raging, let him rage. It's been said that the greatest need is to be heard, so at this point, your angry person needs to be heard. Let him vent uninterrupted until he winds himself down with all the rage out of his system.

Telling angry customers to "calm down" is analogous to saying they have no reason or right to be angry, which only makes them angrier. The louder response to that would likely be, "Don't tell me to calm down when I had to endure blah blah blah."

If it's in person, maintain eye contact and nod to affirm you're hearing his complaints. If it's on the phone, then an occasional "uh-huh" tells the person you're listening.

Recap the main points. Once he has run out of steam and he eventually will recap what you believe to be his main points: "Let me see if I've understood you correctly. You're angry that blah blah blah ..." Don't worry that recapping will restart his vitriol; it usually doesn't. But if it does, once again simply allow him to run out of steam and begin again: "OK, so here;s my understanding of your issues ..."

Focus on problem resolution. Once you both agree that you've understood what is upsetting him, then you can focus on problem resolution because now at least you've understood him and can see his point of view. You might not agree with his point of view, but you can see it: "Yes, I can see how upsetting it would be to have twin beds on the first night of your honeymoon, and I'm glad the hotel was able to move you to a different room with a king bed on the next night."

Empathize with his feelings, but stick to the facts. "Yes, I can understand why you really wanted the Mustang convertible and was disappointed that only a Sebring convertible was available. Car rental companies only have so many of each model car in stock, and that's why they guarantee a class of car, not a particular brand or models, in their contracts." Or, "Yes, I understand about wanting an aisle seat, but airlines can and do change seat assignments all the time for various reasons. That's why you're buying a seat in that class, not a particular seat."

Fix what you can fix: If they're complaining about something that happened in the past, and you can't do anything about it now (e.g., they're back from vacation and complaining about a rude waiter on the first night of their vacation), again express empathy and mention that you wish they had told you when it happened because you're limited now in what you can do to fix it.

Now it comes to the part of what can you do to "fix" their disappointment or anger? If it's something you've done (or haven’t done), then suggest a reasonable compensation to them (a refund? Discount off the next vacation? A bottle of wine? A heartfelt apology? Whatever).

If you can't think of anything since you actually haven't done anything wrong (like the airline changed his seat), then ask the client point-blank, "I'm at a loss how to make you happy since I can't do anything about the airlines seats; what do you want me to do?" Sometimes at this point, the no-longer-angry person feels a little guilty and embarrassed for spewing at you, his hardworking travel professional.

I've had clients tell me at this stage, "Oh, never mind. It wasn't your fault, Anne — we just wanted you to know so it wouldn't happen to someone else." And that goes back to my premise that the angry person needs to be heard . Fill that need by listening, and you'll go a long ways towards reducing anger and conflict.