It's a warm Saturday afternoon, and your son is playing in the finals of his soccer league. You are one of many spectators present to cheer on the two teams — Contempt and Praise.

Which team is your son playing on? Let's see if we can figure it out from the following rendition of the match.

Team Contempt — described by some as "a feeling that is beneath consideration or worthiness, and deserving scorn" — plays with a vengeance, pushing the boundaries of fair play to their outer limits. To win and dominate at all costs is their driven spirit. They operate as if it is appropriate to be reactive and irrational. William Hazlet, sitting in the stands, refers to the play of the team saying: "Though familiarity may not breed contempt, it takes off the edge of admiration."

Team Praise, the opposing team, is described as "an expression of approval or admiration." They play with determination and a strong desire to win. They know the rules and play with a spirit of compliance and strive to execute developing skills. They understand the game, have respect for their opponents, and play to the best of their abilities.

The game has begun, and play is intense between the two teams. The referee blows his whistle, indicating your son made an illegal tackle. It was a close call. However, you loudly express your displeasure using comments directed at the referee. Complaints are negatives aimed at berating or hurting the perpetrator of a situation. You shrug off this analysis as something you'd rather not recognize.

Nearing the end of the first half, your son makes a skilled move and fires a shot on goal that hits the upper-left inside corner of the net. Goal! The score is 1-0. He is congratulated by team members, but returns thanks to each of them for helping him score.

Your excitement reaches its peak. You shout prideful statements about your son. This is recognition you seek, as others compliment you and your son. You thank them and let him know you were a pretty good soccer player in your day, continuing to brag just how good you were. The first half ends.

The game resumes, going back and forth with unsuccessful shots on each goal. With less than a minute to go, the team that has not scored makes a strong effort to score. The referee has relaxed his calls and lets the teams play.

A hard shot glances off your son and goes in the opponent's goal. You are disgusted and start complaining about how poorly the game has been officiated. The game ends tied with no shootout. People around you start commenting that your son should have prevented the shot. This enrages you, and arguments follow. Which team was your son on? Which team did you reflect sitting in the stands?

Contempt and praise are words we've all heard, and likely experienced. Contempt is a feeling. It is an expression of emotion. Active or passive, this expression is negative. If it is active, it is directed at inflicting hurt on someone or something. If it is passive, your behavior will reflect your feelings by moving away or ignoring the person or situation. Contempt is a reaction or irrational thought that limits your effectiveness to manage a situation or conflict.

Praise, on the other hand, is a positive action. When praise is given, it comes from positive thoughts generated from experience or observation. Using praise, you observe conditions or actions of others and offer positive encouragement through change. Change can be difficult to manage. But if you maintain control of your thoughts, work to keep your thinking active, you can manage your behavior. Managing your behavior with positive thoughts will produce positive results.

Using the example of the two teams, it does not matter which team your son was on. What matters is how you might have responded or reacted if you pictured yourself being involved on one side or the other.

If you identified with Team Contempt, you are a person who tends to react to situations. You are emotional and let your thoughts lead you to reactive behavior.

On the other hand, if you identified yourself with the Team Praise, you tend to be a person who maintains control through intellectual thought and reasoning. This helps you understand attaching conditions and the process of problem-solving.

We don't win or lose because of contempt or praise. Rather, we improve our effectiveness and productivity when we are problem-solving or encouraging others in their efforts to make positive contributions.

Do a self-assessment. Determine whether you tend to be a contempt or praise type of personality. Don't fear or be elated by your assessment results.

Simply use your appraisal to manage your behavior and become productive in your interactions with others. Focus on positive thoughts and reject the negative conditions.

A coin has two sides. When faced with negatives that lead to feelings of contempt, learn to "flip the coin." When the negative occurs, be aware that the positive sits on the opposite side. Flip to the positive and move forward.

Success in life is built on your ability to manage yourself. "As you think, so you go" is a good motto to carry you forward.