It’s admirable to have great expectations — whether in your personal life or your professional career: to expect to do well in school, to expect to be successful in your new job, to expect to have a fulfilling relationship, to expect to be a terrific parent.

But is there such a thing as having expectations that are too great? That your expectations far exceed reality? Is there a possibility that your expectations are unreasonable and unattainable? Are there any downsides to having to great expectations?

When your expectations exceed reality, you will be disappointed and frustrated that your expectations aren’t met. And maybe worse, you can deprive yourself of the unexpected pleasures life can bring.

In my current position as travel adviser, I encounter this occasionally. A couple might have a minimal budget, but their unrealistic expectations might include an oceanfront suite in a luxury hotel, private excursions, and possibly a butler to attend to their every need.

When I try to help them reconcile their budget with their expectations, I find the expectations are frequently immovable. “I have dreamed of an oceanfront suite in a five star hotel, and if I can’t have that, I don’t want anything.”

They would rather have an intact expectation that cannot be fulfilled or might not be fulfilled for years to come, than lower expectations, which might still give them a fulfilling experience. In the meantime, they deprive themselves of meaningful experiences.

The "all or nothing" approach deprives you in other ways, too. I’ve heard adults lament, "This guy I’m dating is almost perfect, except that he’s too short for me."
"This woman is so kind and beautiful inside and out, but I really would prefer a blonde."
"I love this person very much, but I could never marry him because he doesn’t have an advanced education like I do."

When expectations become encompassing checklists of must-haves instead of prioritized, nice-to-haves, you’re in dangerous territory.

A friend of mine owns a retail business and frequently encounters this all or nothing mentality in many people: "I need 20 table lights, but you only have 18 in stock, so I’ll go elsewhere to find my 20 lights."

If you suggest getting the 18 lights so now only two more are needed, they’re shocked at the suggestion, "But I need 20, not 18."
"Yes, but now you’re 18 closer to your goal of 20."
"Nope. Not good enough. I need 20 at one time or none at all."

There’s the expectation that if you can’t get it all at one time (whatever “all” is), it’s not perfect and not worth anything. Anything less than perfection has no value.

"I need a job that pays $12/hour, and you’re only offering me $11.50 with benefits, so despite this being an otherwise perfect job, I decline your offer" (without considering the value of the benefits).
"This job candidate looks great in every way: he has the skill sets and personality we’ve been looking for, but he hasn’t worked in this particular industry before, so it’s a shame we have to pass him over."
"This expansion plan looks great, but it does carry some risk, so I guess we’ll just keep the status quo."

Nothing in this life is perfect: No person, no job, no relationship, no plan. But to demean those things based on lack of perfection really does deprive you of the joy of meaningful relationships and experiences.

Sometimes it’s the imperfections in life that give us the greatest serendipitous opportunities for growth and satisfaction.